


this is not an easy road

by yutopias



Series: Remember Us: Youth Pt 2 [1]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, promise rings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-09 00:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17396681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutopias/pseuds/yutopias
Summary: Jae didn’t think about these thing, tries not to because he’s never really been good with trusting that someone isn’t lying when they say they’ll be with him forever, so he pushes down the fear and tries to trust Dowoon. He doesn’t think about how Dowoon had absolutely no ties with him, never that.Things were beginning to appear when they stopped texting each other.----formerly titled:hurt road





	this is not an easy road

Jae always wondered why Dowoon never had a relationship in the long term. Dowoon was gorgeous, the definition of a gentleman. He apologized when it wasn’t his fault, yet people still labeled him a womanizer. Dowoon would never say an unkind word about anyone no matter how bad they hurt him, he was polite and when he loved someone or something he loved with his whole entire heart. 

So Jae was confused about how he was always alone.

It was just over a year and a half when Jae finally understood that everyone has flaws. This was Dowoon’s.

Jae hadn’t really noticed at first, but now he blamed himself for not seeing the imminent foreshadowing of what wasa to come. Dowoon went home at least three times a week and only small things were left at Jae’s flat--a t-shirt. A pair of socks. Dowoon had a passcode on his phone--many people had a passcode, it wasn’t that big of a thing, but Jae didn’t have one on his. And Dowoon checked his all the time.  Dowoon forgot to tell him things: like when his mom called, or how he wasn’t staying with Jae that night.

Jae didn’t think about these thing, tries not to because he’s never really been good with trusting that someone isn’t lying when they say they’ll be with him forever, so he pushes down the fear and tries to trust Dowoon. He doesn’t think about how Dowoon had absolutely no ties with him, never that.

Things were beginning to appear when they stopped texting each other.

When they weren’t together, and even when they were, there was an easy flow of text messages: have a good day, stay safe little one, don’t trip today Dowoon--then they got shorter, read but not replied to. The paragraphs turned into sentences, sentences into single words and then they stopped. It wasn’t because of a lack of effort on Jae’s part: Jae texts him, tells Dowoon he loves him, that he misses him. Jae texts him corny jokes, too.

It’s just kind of hard to have a one way conversation.

A few days later Dowoon finally turns up at Jae’s apartment, so late that it was the next day. He’d changed and got straight into bed, mumbling a small, “I’m sorry,” as he curled his body around Jae. Then he falls asleep, giving no explanation as to where he’d been or why he’d been ignoring Jae’s messages.

When Jae woke up the next morning, he’s greeted with empty sheets and a note on the fridge that read “been busy, sorry Jaehyung.” And Jae tries really hard not to worry--he really does--but he’s not as good at keeping his insecurities at bay as he pretends to be.

He doesn't remember when it started happening, just that it's been like this for a while and that it happened rather quickly. Dowoon ignores Jae’s messages, only responding if they were about him coming over. And when he did come over they barely spent time together--it was always past midnight and Dowoon would be too tired to talk. Jae would wake up alone and it was like this for a month, leaving Jae with a feeling in his stomach that he’d rather not think about.

Dowoon doesn't want or need him anymore.

He’s getting strung along by Dowoon, who inadvertently hurts him every time Jae’s tugged by a string of a promise they don't even keep anymore. Jae holds back the nausea at that fact: avoids talking to Dowoon, even though a conversation is what they ought to have instead of all the back and forth ignoring--he knows it's inevitable, what Dowoon’s going to do and he's angry he can't do a goddamned thing about it. He feels like a stranger in his own home. In their home.

It's not supposed to be this way.

He thought they were happy, he though they were in love, but it's the complete opposite apparently.

One night, Dowoon just slips into Jae’s apartment--not even bothering to knock, but instead using the spare key he got months ago. His boots and socks come off in an impressive minute and a half, walking to the room with his baggy shirt and jeans to the bedroom where Jae lay. Jae raises himself up, leans on his elbows and catches Dowoon’s brown eyes in the moonlight. His throats catches, then, when Dowoon goes out of his way to avoid contact with him.

Jae aches all over his body.

“Dowoon,” Jae whispers and it could pass as a breath. He counts the seconds it takes Dowoon to answer.

“I’m tired, Jaehyung, can we talk in the morning?” Dowoon finally mumbles, quietly. Jae’s heart jumps at that--his hope never does smother out, does it?

“No,” Jae replied curtly, “You won't be here.” Pain laces the edges of his reply and he hopes Dowoon doesn't catch it. Dowoon doesn't answer for what seems like forever, and Jae’s wondered if he’s fallen asleep. Jae sins, lies back down and turn away from the warmth--his heart turning to ice in his chest.

“I can't do it, Jae,” he finally speaks, so quietly that Jae didn't think he'd heard him properly. He hadn't heard his nickname come from Dowoon’s mouth in such a long time and he didn't want it to be said if he was using it in the context Jae had been thinking of. He pushes the grit out of his voice, stumbling and awkward with a tinge of concern because he hops he's wrong--he prays he's wrong about everything that he’s feeling settling deep into his gut.

“Can't do what, Dowoon?” Jae asks and he can feel the anger burning behind his eyes. Dowoon was so close, yet so far, and if he reached out to touch him he was afraid of it being rejected. It kept him on his side of the bed.

“Jae it really isn't you-” he starts and Jae’s blood boils with anger and chills with panic--constantly switching between the two because Dowoon can't be serious, right? He can't be doing this.

Not now.

Jae shakes his head violently because, no--this can’t be happening. “Don't give me that ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ crap, Dowoon,” Jae grits out, “ I thought things were going really well, was that my imagination?” Dowoon sighs and--did his foot just brush Jae’s? Jae could've sworn that it did, just for a second, and he felt it.

His anger disappears and he's left with sadness, tears stinging the corner of his eyes.

“Jae-I can't do this anymore. It's-it's too much,” Dowoon sighs, “I don’t know how much more of this I can handle.” Dowoon sounds robotic, like he's supposed to be unfeeling but Jae knows better than that; he knows that if the lights were shining bright in their faces Dowoon’s eyes would be flooded with guilt.

He's glad for the darkness, then, because he never wanted to see guilt in Dowoon’s face--not because of Jae, nonetheless.

“Don’t Dowoon, please,” Jae all but whimpers when he feels Dowoon rise from the space between. “Don’t leave without a reason Dowoon, don’t leave me without a reason.” His voice cracks, betraying him in a couple of words. Dowoon doesn’t reply, but instead gets closer. Jae knew he should demand an answer, but they hadn't been close like this in week and he'd missed it more than he'd like to admit.

Jae gives in, laying his chin on Dowoon’s head and Dowoon pressed his forehead into Jae’s chest and somehow their legs start to tangle together. They don’t know where one starts and the other end as they get tangled in each other Jae takes in the scent of chocolate and aloe vera gel, which he knows as Dowoon, and he can’t control the way his eyes flutter shut. What he doesn’t see is the silent tears that run down Dowoon’s face and onto his shirt.

****

Jae wakes slowly.

He feels weird, like something is missing that he can't quite put his finger on. Before he even opens his eyes, though, he reaches across the bed. His hands grip empty sheets and he nods solemnly.

What did he expect, in reality?

He drags himself out of bed, which smells of Dowoon’s cologne--he didn't go out of his way to smell the bed, the scent of cologne was pungent and filled his nose on contact. That scent used to be reassuring.

He walks barefoot on wobbly legs to the kitchen, sitting at the small table and puts his head down. Two things glint the sunlight and catch his eye. Jae promises himself he wouldn't cry, picking up the glistening objects in front of him. He squeezes them, hoping that if he holds them tight enough they will disappear--hoping it would go right back into Dowoon’s hand and that all of this would be just a messed up dream, but it doesn't. Jae uncurls his fingers and nods to himself once more.

In the palm of his hand lay Dowoon’s key and his ring, attached together on a little lanyard. This time, there is no note on the fridge.

Dowoon wasn't coming back this time.


End file.
